Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Thank You, JFK Library Faculty & Staff

I just received an enormous gift basket from my husband's co-workers, and I wanted to take a mintute to say "thank you so much". It is full of fun activities for the whole family. There are sudoku books, crossword puzzles, word find puzzles, crayons, scrapbooking paper, a how-to-knit book, a how-to-embroider kit, a novel, stationery, a rosary bracelet, and a whole host of other things. Wow! I am amazed at the thoughtfulness and generosity! Thank you for thinking of me and showering me with your kindness!

Click here to see the overloaded basket!

DAY 28: Gadget Girl


My husband has turned me into a Gadget Girl/Tech Junkie. He doesn't like to admit it but he loves techy gadgets, and I think this might be proof. I have received all of the above gadgets since I have been hospitalized, but I must admit they have made life much more fun and bearable. Here are links and descriptions of my techy toys:

80 GB Ipod - holds up to 20,000 songs and 200 hours of streaming video!
Logitech Wireless Mouse - allows me to use computer while maintaining my bedrest supine position. My belly makes a great make shift mouse pad!
Cameramate CF Card Reader - all I have to do is pop my camera card in and Voila!, I have upladed pictures!
Energizer Flexible LED Book Light - I can use this while Jonathan is putting Holland to bed. It enables us to eliminate the bright overhead hospital lights!
4 Port USB Hub - this allows me to plug in ALL of these things at once!
Logitech Wireless Keyboard - this is the device that keeps me emailing ang blogging without compromising my position!

Thanks, Babe! I'm eager to see what you bring me next!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

DAY 27: Dr.Sunshine Dance Day



A couple of weeks ago, Dr. Sunshine told me he would do a dance IF we made it to week 24. Well, today is the day! Enjoy!

Monday, February 26, 2007

DAY 26: Today's Highlight

7th year in a row
GO ZAGS!

Ultrasound Update

I had my weekly ultrasound today and I got some good news. I lengthened back to 8 millimeters! Yippee! I was hoping to be a little longer, but I am thankful that I didn't go in the other direction. Baby "Hershey" looks great. The sonographer did a ton of measurements and she continues to be right where she needs to be developmentally. She has gained 3 oz. so she now weighs 1 lb. 4 oz.

She is a mover and a groover just like her big sister!

My doctor didn't make it in today as he was delayed a day on a weekend trip so I have't resolved my steroid issue, yet. I should see him in the morning so I should know more then. I am feeling a ton better about it as I am part of a bedrest/high risk pregnancy site (www.sidelines.org), and I have received a ton of information and personal stories from women in my same or similiar position. Thank you sidelines ladies!

DAY 25

Here is another question that I ran across in my great little book:

When will you ever have more time than you do right now?!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

DAY 24: Impromptu Photo Shoot



Photos by MKC Photography

I mentioned yesterday that my close friend Mary came to visit me, but I think I forgot to mention that it was a wonderful visit! I was able to request a furlow to the downstairs baby boutique for 20 minutes in a wheelchair! What a treat! I bought Holland a great shirt that says, "My daddy does my hair". Click here to see a picture of her wearing it! Mary has started her own photography business, and she did a little impromptu photo shoot for me. Check out her amazing work at mkcphoto.com If you are in Washington state and want to celebrate your children or family in the form of beautiful photographs then she's your girl!
Thanks again, Mary!

Feeling Conflicted

As most of you know, I am going to reach 24 weeks on Tuesday. This is considered to be my first "goal" because it is at this point that the baby actually has a chance of survival. However, the baby's lungs, brain, and I'm not sure what else aren't fully developed at this time. A baby born this early would spend countless days/weeks/months in the NICU. One precautionary measure that the doctors often take is that of injecting the mom with a shot of steroids to assist the baby with developing a little faster.

My favorite Dr. Sunshine had mentioned that we would inject steroids as soon as I made it to 24 weeks, however when I asked my doctor about this he said we wouldn't unless we absolutely had to. I interpreted that as we did not want to make such a decision in haste and unless I started going into rapid pre-term labor that we wouldn't do it. This morning, the on call doctor came in and was ready to administer the shots today and tomorrow. He explained that it took 48 hours to take effect, and we wanted to do everything we could do to insure this baby had a chance in case I went into pre-term labor.

I didn't feel comfortable getting the shots when I haven't even had a lengthy conversation with my own doctor about it. I have found myself very conflicted about it all though. I think part of my fear is emotionally based - if I get the shots then it is as if we are all assuming that I won't make it into the high 30's which is my personal goal. However, what if Ido go into pre-term labor at 29 or 30 weeks? If I haven't given the baby every opportunity to be more developed then how can I sleep at night? What if I do make it to 36 or 38 weeks and my baby has developed typically - will there be adverse effects to having given her the steroids? Is this all a no-brainer decision? I just don't know the answers to any of these questions.

I'm so confused and so conflicted. Just feeling overwhelmed and not sure how to process all of this. I will talk with my doctor tomorrow and hopefully gain more insight. Until then, please pray that I will find peace this evening and rest well as I may be faced with making this decision tomorrow.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Food For Thought

My dear friend Mary came to visit today and brought me a great book full of thought provoking questions as well as some wonderful quotes. This was one of the first ones I read today and it really hit home.

If you think your life is hard, what are you comparing it to?

DAY 23: Full Circle

When Holland was born (3+ years ago), I had the most amazing labor nurse. She was my coach, my cheerleader, my guidance counselor, my personal trainer, my motivator - my saving grace!

There is something so special about the team of professionals who assist you with bringing your first born child into the world (or any child for that matter). I remember the feeling that I got the first time I saw my doctor after he delivered Holland. I was overcome with joy, respect, and awe. I got warm fuzzies all over and my eyes welled up with tears. Since then I have always wanted to run into my labor nurse, and I had to opportunity to do so last night. She remembered Holland's name, and then she remembered me once she saw me. It was such a fun reunion. I shared some birth pictures with her, and told her how grateful I had been for her on that special night. Definitely my highlight of the day!

She was very excited to have things come "full circle". She is working tonight and will come by to meet Holland. So once again, I have something to look forward to. I'm feeling very blessed!

I'm not totally sure why I felt led to share that story except that this is a journal for me to look back on too, and I certainly don't want to forget the wonderful things that occur during this trying time! Thanks for listening!

What's your blessing for the day? I would love to hear them.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Gravity

I got this card in the mail today from my cousin in Seattle. Thanks, Tamerlane. I love, love, love it! If only I could move my bedrest into the moonlight!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

My Sweet, Goofy Husband Goofs Off Again


Do you have any idea what my husband is demonstrating for me?


He is demonstrating how one on bedrest might use a wireless keyboard! (He bought me one today so that I could be more horizontal when I am doing all of my computer activities.)


Can you get any goofier?

DAY 22: Dr. Sunshine Reappears

I thought for sure that Dr. Sunshine had been taken off of my case because I talked to my main doctor about him, and I haven't seen him in about 10 days. Well, he re-appeared this morning. He was only in my room for one minute and still managed to offend me.

Dr: "I heard there was bad news on your sonogram."
Me: "Yeah, I'm a little shorter"

No comment. He hastily checked my lungs.

Dr: "Any contractions?"
Me: "No"
Dr: "Any bleeding?"
Me: "No"
Dr: "Still feeling baby move?"
Me: "Yes"
Dr: "That means your still pregnant."
"Let's just keep doing what we're doing."

For those of you who are just tuning into my blog, you can find my original post about Dr. Sunshine on Day 11 - just scroll down a few days!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Day 21: Sweet Holland

"Mommy, I want you to do bedrest at home instead."

"Me too, punkin." "Me too."

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

DAY 20: Parole Request: DENIED

I was up for parole yesterday at my ultrasound appointment. I was pretty sure I'd earned some time off my sentence for good behavior, and that the warden, after reviewing the latest ultrasound results, would recognize that my cervix was not a danger to society and could be be released to house arrest.

Request DENIED. "you're cervix flunked", the warden said.

So, a second parole request can be made in 2-3 weeks.

Back to the slammer for me.

DAY 19: 1lb. 1 oz.

I had an ultrasound today that revealed "Hershey" is right where she needs to be developmentally. Good growth. Great heatbeat. Lots of movement.

She weighs 1 lb. 1 oz. We've got a long way to go, baby!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Holland's Bouquet



This is a picture of mine and Holland's first hospital art project! It is a bouquet of freshly stamped paper flowers. It looks so cute in my window sill with all of my other fresh flowers!

Suppy list:
Mommy's hawaiian foam stamps
Mommy's black ink pad
Holland's broken crayons
Hospital bendy straws
Hospital stirofoam cup
A roll of scotch tape

Sunday, February 18, 2007

DAY 18: "Letting Go Therapy"

I am learning each day that this experience is all about
letting go
relinquishing control
surrendering
resigning myself to being at the mercy of others.
Not an easy feat.

I took this picture of Holland because I cracked up when she and Jonathan walked in this morning. What in the world did my husband let her walk out of the house in? A tierra, purple lensed glasses, a fun snail necklace, a Dora t-shirt, and jeans with embroidered white flowers on them. Now don't get me wrong, I love all of these items - it's just the combination of them together that I have issues with.

Those of you who know me, know that I like to dress Holland a certain way! This just happens to be quite different from "my way". However, since I am learning to let go - I had no choice but to look at the smile on her face and realize that she found great joy in putting together that ensemble!

For now, I will try and surrender my need to control how she dresses and let her have a little fun with it! I can't promise I will continue with this attitude once I am up and about, but who knows crazier things have happened!

Necessary Evil

I have been thinking a lot about my computer usage these days. And here is what I am struggling with:

Is the computer a necessary evil or is it an absolute necessity?

It seems like it is a little of both. Maybe an absolute evil necessity. Or a necessary absolute evil. Not sure, but definitely something to think about. It is ironic to me that the one thing that I get frustrated with Jonathan about is the computer. He absolutely has no time management skills when it comes to the computer (and he will admit this). He will jump online to get a phone number to order a pizza or something and he emerges from the computer room two hours later without having ordered the pizza! He will bring the superpages link up to find the number, but while it is loading, he checks his blogs, publishes some posts, pays some bills, researches some fleeting thought that he finds interesting, sends some emails, replies to some emails, re-checks his blog, etc, etc, etc (you get the idea).

By this point, you probably have figured out that I am about to confess that I am now struggling with my own time management issues and the computer. I don't think I have even picked up a book since the computer was turned on 13 days ago. I haven't read my magazines, I haven't had quiet time to reflect, I haven't done any of the work projects that I brought to the hospital, and the list goes on. Why is it that the computer sucks us in that way?

I never would have thought I would have issues with "balance" while being laid up in a hospital, but that is clearly the issue. I need to find more balance. I need to limit my computer time by reading more, praying more, reflecting more, and just "being" more. So this is my goal for the week. BALANCE.

In the computer's defense, I feel like I must say that I have been very grateful for it. Had I not had it, my days would be much longer and I may have had to have been admitted into an asylum by now. So having said that, I think I came to a conclusion:

the computer is an absolute evil necessity!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

DAY 17: My Sweet, Goofy Husband

Do you have any idea what Jonathan is transporting?
Heaps and heaps of scrapbooking supplies for me! Life just got a little better! Can't wait to get scrappin'. I will post some finished projects soon - stay tuned!

Friday, February 16, 2007

DAY16: Sacred Heart Hotel

It's kinda funny - I have accidentally referred to the hospital as a hotel on a few occassions. Initially, I found that to be ironic since hotels are usually traveled to by choice and are chosen for the amenities. If I want to push the envelope a little bit, I can acutally come up with some comparisons of the two. I am in a brand spanking new facility and as far as hospitals go it is pretty nice. I have:

A room with a view (downtown area and snowcapped mountain)
Room service 3x a day for meals and 2x a day for snacks
My linens are changed almost daily
My bed is turned down while I am showering
Daily house cleaning
Jetted bath tub
A pitcher of water by my bedside
In room refrigerator
Wireless internet connection & cable tv
DVD, VHS, and CD players
Fresh flowers everywhere

Oh yeah,

I can't forget the Gideon Bible (actually, I don't think it's a Gideon Bible since it's a catholic hospital- I'll have to double check on that!)

I certainly don't have all of these things in my bedroom at home - so that is my focus for the day! What's your focus of the day?


Thank you, ASW-Spokane!

For those of you who don't know, I am a board member of the Spokane Chapter of the Autism Society of WA. Yesterday, one of my fellow board members brought me a great care package full of goodies. It was filled with a purple boa, purple magic wand, punchy balloons, bubbles, music CD, lotion, candles, pregnancy tea, etc, etc. What a fun surprise!

Thank you to all of the board members for lifting my spirits. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I highly recommend "boa therapy" for anyone - not just the bedridden! : )

Thursday, February 15, 2007

DAY 15: Thought for Thursday

It is amazing to me how quickly we habituate to things. When I first arrived here, I was on strict bedrest which meant no bathroom privileges, no showers, no getting my own food/drinks, etc. After 3-4 days, my doctor allowed me to have showers every other day. These showers were huge highlights to my days! I would literally count the hours until I could take another shower! I realized how I didn't appreciate this daily activity, and I decided to make more of a concerted effort to take notice of life's simple pleasures, life's every day activities. Have you ever thought about just how wonderful it is to start each day with a hot shower?

This week my doctor granted me the privilege of daily showers (as long as I took more of a bath, maintaining a mostly supine position). Each night, I think about the following day and what I have to look forward to. After two days and two showers, I thought "oh, tomorrow is shower day", but then it dawned on me that wasn't a big deal because I had just had one that morning. I thought "ho-hum", "I need to focus on something else for tomorrow". Wow! All it took was two showers in a row and I had already forgotten what a great delight it was.

This may seem so trivial and so silly, but it's not just showers. What is it in your every day activities that you aren't appreciating? Your spouse's goodbye kiss? Eating breakfast with your kids? Driving to work? Afternoon walk to the coffee shop? Reading a bedtime story?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Heartbeat

.



Happy Valentine's Day from Hershey! (click on the arrow in lower left corner to hear her heart beat!)

My heart beats for you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you!

acutal heart beat of our baby girl, recorded 2-14-07

DAY 14: Powerhouse Day Continued

Well, for those of you who read my post earlier today, I must report that my day continued to be a powerhouse day. I probably had too many positives to count, but I will share a few more with you:

8. I received a dozen roses from my sweetheart
9. Holland made a Valentine painting for me
10. I got tons more Valentine emails
11. One of my favorite nurses was on my night shift
12. Jonathan ordered take out dinner
13. A card was delivered to me today from my mom during "mail call"
14. My colleague/friend/boss may have a lead on someone to hire to take over my caseload
15. I watched sappy love stories on Oprah (I'm not an avid Oprah watcher, but today's topic was right up my alley!)
16. Jonathan and I had a TV date to watch a new episode of "Lost"

Baby Girl "Hershey"




Here are our latest ultrasound pictures. The middle picture is in the 3D format. It is pretty incredible. (those are the ones that celebrities pay big bucks for to see what their babies will look like). We didn't get to see the 3D images when Holland was born, it was only for high risk babies and assessment of developmental anamolies, etc. Now, it's standard practice (at least at my doctor's office). For those of you who don't know, Holland has named our baby girl. She calls her "hershey". So for now, I think we will allow that to be her nickname, and we will have to break it to Holland that at some point we will probably call her something else!

DAY 14: Powerhouse Day

I think it is going to be a powerhouse of day! It is only 9:20 in the morning, and I have already had the following posititives:

1. I slept until 9:10
2. Biscuits and Gravy for breakfast
3. I just read 6 Happy Valentine's emails
4. It's shower day
5. Dr. Sunshine didn't come in this morning
6. I crossed off my 13th day on my calendar
7. I just got some morning kicks from baby

I'll keep you posted through out the day and see if my day can maintain this sort of momentum!

Happy Valentine's to everyone! I love, love, love you all.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

DAY 13: 22 Weeks

Today, I reached the 22 week mark. Here is what is going on developmentally:

Baby is 11 to 14 inches long
Weight is about 1 3/4 to 2 pounds
Baby can hear and recognize mom's voice
Eyelids begin to part
Eyes open sometimes for short periods of time
Skin is covered with protective coating called vernix
Baby is able to hiccup
Footprints and fingerprints continue forming
Alveoli (air sacs) are forming in lungs

Monday, February 12, 2007

DAY 12: Share Your Story

Today was somewhat of a roller coaster day. I had a wonderful morning, complete with a shower, chai tea, my daily Ellen episode, and early afternoon visitors. My friend Kelli brought her 9 month old bundle of joy (Sam). I got lots of smiles and giggles. Good medicine for the bedrest soul. However, I had a turn for the worse a little later and found myself in a funk. For some reason, my doctors keep forgetting to pass on the fact that this "can be done". There are thousands of women who endure bedrest for months and months and have healthy babies.

So, what I am asking from you is to share your story, your cousin's story, your neighbor's story - anybody's story! Do you know of someone in my similiar situation who has been successful and delivered a bundle of joy? I feel like I am needing to hear success stories today! So, just go to the comments section and post away!

Lots of love to you all and thank you so much for all of the encouragement you have already sent my way!

From the Bedrest Library


While Ashley takes a blog break, a reading from Dr. Seuss:
Sighed Mayzie, a lazy bird hatching an egg:
"I'm tired and I'm bored
And I've kinks in my leg
From sitting, just sitting here day after day.
It's work! How I hate it!
I'd much rather play!
I'd take a vacation, fly off for a rest
If I could find someone to stay on my nest!
If I could find someone, I'd fly away--free. . . ."

Sunday, February 11, 2007

A Girl Needs Her Mama

Holland and Jonathan didn't spend the night with me last night so when they arrived this morning, Holland was a bit disheveled. She came running into my room, clutching her headband.

"Mommy, can you put this in my hair for me?"
"Daddy didn't do it right."

DAY 11: Dr. Sunshine

The first night that I was here, I had a resident doctor who is learning under my doctor. He came into my room and evaluated me. He had nothing good to say. He is the one who sent me into a tailspin - I hold him totally responsible for that first restless night. He was explaining my situation and felt very led to tell me the facts:

"You are really in an awful situation, I'm so sorry".
"We have to keep this baby inside of you until at least 24 weeks."
"There is no chance of survival if the baby is born before then."
"Your cervix is so short, we really don't have a lot to work with."
"IF, we make it to 24 weeks, then we will start giving your baby steroids so its lungs can develop"
"We will have one of the neonatologist come in at that point and talk to you about all of the risks involved with having a baby that early"
"You have a raw deal" (or something to that affect)

Anyway, I think you get my point. He just wasn't going to give the smallest glimmer of hope. The truth of the matter is there are thousands of women who are in my situation every day, and they make it to 36,38, and even 40 weeks. I'm not even considered to be in "pre-term labor" right now. I'm not having contrations, I'm not bleeding, my water hasn't broken, and I am maintaining a stable status. I understand not wanting to give false hope to your patients, but "Come on...."

So, since then I have seen him a couple of other times, and he just brings a dark cloud into my room everytime. Somehow, he manages to get the "24 week" comment in every visit.

Well, this morning he came in and went through his routine: "are you bleeding?" "are you having any pain?" "do you feel like you've had a gush of fluid?" "has your water broken?"
I just want to scream, "Don't you think I would notify the damn nurse if any of this was happening?" "Don't you think I might push that little red nurse button?" "Don't you think you and any other doctor on this floor would have been notified?" AARRRRGGGGG!

I restrain from shouting all of those things and let him carry on, and here is what our conversation amounted to:

Dr: "Well, we have an ultrasound on Monday to see you if have lengthened anymore" pause

"We are really hoping you stay pregnant"

WAIT - Did I just hear that correctly: "We are really hoping you stay pregnant??" Could he have possibly just said that? Are you F------ kidding me? (Sorry Mom, Ted, Ursula) That's what he has to say? We are really hoping you stay pregnant? My jaw dropped, but what's worse is that he kept talking.

Dr: "22 weeks on Tuesday, that's good, but 24 is our magic number"

Me: "Well, actually I think 32, 34, 36, or even 38 are my magic numbers"

Dr: "Yeah, those are great, but we're gonna do a dance at 24"

UNBELIEVABLE. I'm in shock. I think the dancing is going to happen when I ask that he not bring his dark clouds into my room anymore!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Happy Birthday, Babe!


Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday my dear-wonderful-sweet-amazing-incredible-husband,
Happy Birthday to You!
Jonathan, you never cease to amaze me!
Because of you, I smile, laugh, and love every day.
I am so thankful for you.
Happy Birthday, Babe!
I love you.

DAY 10: Daily Ritual


Here is Holland singing songs to her baby sister.

Set list:
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Old MacDonald had a Farm
Alphabet Song

Tonight while she was singing, the baby kicked a couple of times. Totally Priceless!

P.S. Do you notice my calendar attached to my bed? Every evening I cross off the day as we are one day closer to having a safe and healthy baby.

Birthday Message for Daddy

Today is Jonathan's birthday and Holland just spontaneously said,

"You rock, dude!"

I must say, I absolutely agree! "You do rock, dude."

Friday, February 9, 2007

DAY 9: Trader Joe's

I have been saying for the last 6 1/2 years that if we could just get a Trader Joe's in Spokane, our quality of life would significantly increase. Well, I am here to break the news, they have just signed an agreement to purchase Empire Ford downtown Spokane! (the ownerns are retiring) I got the news on the "down low" from one of my nurses who has a brother-n-law or a cousin or someone who is on some kind of city planning committee or developer board or something (details not impotant),and he heard first hand of the deal.

Yippee! I guarantee you that this will stay at the top of my list of "positives" occuring during this bedrest stay. This has made my day, my week, my month, my year! Now, if they would just hurry up and open....

Thursday, February 8, 2007

DAY 8: Perspective


I have a nurse who is my same age and she is 35 weeks pregnant. She shared with me the other night that she lost her mom unexpectantly when she was 18 weeks.

I didn't even know how to respond to that. I can't imagine what it must be like to loose someone so dear to you so unexpectantly. Actually, I can't imagine what it must be like to loose someone so dear to you expectantly. I have been very fortunate in my life and have not lost anyone except for my grandparents and elderly aunts/uncles.

When I think about my nurse, my heart goes out to her and my situation seems so trivial. All I have been asked to do is lie on my back for a few months. As I lay in the bed the other night, I once again was reminded that life is so short and so mysterious. I can't fathom my life without my mom and my daughter's life without her "mimi". She enriches our lives. So, I'd like to tell her that in case I haven't done so lately. We love you, Mom, and we pray you will continue to enrich our lives for years to come. I can't wait for you to meet your new granddaughter!

"Boring Place"

One of the first things out of Holland's mouth this morning was:

"I don't want to stay in this boring place!"

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

DAY 7: Today's Simplicity


putting piggy tails in holland's hair as she

sat on the edge of my hospital bed




It's amazing how something so simple can bring such pleasure. This is one of my daily activities that I take for granted. Now that I don't have the opportunity to do it everyday, I miss it terribly.


What's your "simplicity" today?

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

DAY 6: Healthcare minus the "care"

I had an incident yesteray that really got my blood pumping. It seems like everytime I have been in a hospital (personally or with a loved one), I end up feeling this way. Our health care system has gotten so caught up in low census/high census, productivity standards, billable time, reimbursement rates, etc. that it has forgotten the "care" component to healthcare. Lost compassion, and lost sight of the patient's perspective.

Let me just share with you what happened......

I was sitting in my cozy hospital room - the one that I am trying to get accustomed to as being my "new home" for a few months - the one that I have decorated with family photos, and my daughter's art - the one that I can look out the window and see my husband's office lights flicker at me - the one I have filled with bedrest multimedia and paraphanalia - the one I have made my "own", and a nurse pops her head in and blurts to another nurse "you know she's moving don't you?". My nurse looked a little surprised. Apparently, she was just hearing the news for the first time as well. I didn't realize it pertained to me at first, and then it dawned on me that she was talking about me. I sat up and said, "me? I'm moving?" and the tears began to well up.

This is where the staff lost compassion and lost sight of my perspective. I am a pregnant, hormonal woman who has been asked to leave her home and live in a hospital. I have no control over the situation. I have personal stuff everywhere that they are talking about piling on my bed and wheeling it down to another room. I have sent out emails to lots of people who are calling me on this phone. I was prepared for such a drastic change. What if I couldn't see Jonathan's office from my new room? What if someone calls and I don't answer? What if someone comes to visit and they can't find me? What if I just don't want to move?

All of these things were running through my head and I felt my blood pressure start to rise. Above all, I was pissed off because they didn't have the decency to tell me ahead of time. To prepare me. To ease the transition. To respect me.

My nurse sent someone in to talk to me, but she wasn't very helpful. She didn't seem genuine. Basically, she said this is just the way it is and we can't guarantee you won't be moved again. Welcome to bedrest.

Later on that evening, I did have a chance to share my feedback with the medical director. She was very professional, very genuine, and very apologetic. I felt validated. I felt my feelings had been acknowledged. I felt better.

So, my take home message now that I look back on the situation is just "be careful", "be compassionate", and "tread lightly around displaced, hormonal, pregnant women".

Monday, February 5, 2007

DAY 5: Light Signals

I can see Jonathan's office from my hospital room. I got a call from him today, and he said,
"Ashley, look out your window towards my office". I wasn't quite sure which window was his, but soon enough I saw flickering lights!

J: "Do you see my lights?"
A: "Oh my gosh! Yes, I see them!"
J: "We can send light signals to each other! Flick yours"
A: "I'm flicking - can you see 'em?"
J: "Oh yeah, there they are"

How cute is that? Have you ever flickered your lights across town to someone you love? If not, I highly recommend it!

Sunday, February 4, 2007

"Poor Old Mommy"

"I don't want to go to mass with you, daddy. I just want to stay here with poor, old mommy"

DAY 4: Reading Material

This is what is currently in my room:

1 phone book
14 magazines
1 road trip journal
2 scientific journals
7 catalogs
1.5 newspapers
6 children's books
1 suduko workbook
3 peer reviewed research articles
1 expectant father book
12 novels
2 bibles
1 real estate guide
1 far side cartoon book

Saturday, February 3, 2007

"Positives"

I decided today that I want to focus on the "positives" of this bedrest experience. I have been wanting to learn how to "embrace life's simplicities", and this just might be the setting to do so. Here is a list of some of my "positives" for the day:

morning cuddles with holland
muffins for breakfast
holland's ballerina dance before she left for ballet class
removal of the 24 hour monitor
good riddance to the bedpan
permission to wear my own pajamas
choosing menu items for next week
gonzaga basketball game
family slumber party
reading Holland her bedtime story
late night "Lost" episodes with Jonathan

and best of all.....
my family close by my side

DAY 3: Realization

I realized today that I can rest and be calm.

As long as I am in a stable state, I need not worry.
As long as I am not having contractions, I can relax.
As long as I am not feeling pain, I can remain still.
As long as I focus on the liklihood of making it further, I can find hope.

As long as I have faith, I can find peace.

Friday, February 2, 2007

DAY 2: Finding Peace

I had a rough night last night. I woke up in the middle of the night, found myself all alone and very scared. I realized the seriousness of my situation and just how quick things could change.

Life is precarious.

I want to find peace. I want to know that I am not in control of the situation and be okay with that. I want to have faith. I want to rest and be calm. For these things, I prayed at 3:30am.

For those of you reading this, please continue to pray that I may find these things each day.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

DAY 1: Sentenced to Bedrest

I got some bad news today at my ultrasound hearing (appt). I went in to have some measurements taken, and got sentenced to bedrest at the local prenatal correctional facility (hospital).

My initial sentence: charged with a misdemeanor violation of the Incompetent Cervix Rehabilitation Act, found guilty, 3-4 month term in hospital, no chance of parole, no bail.