Saturday, March 17, 2007

DAY 45: "Three More Night-Nights"

Once again a "parole request" is on the table. The day of truth will be Monday the 19th. If everything looks the same on my weekly ultrasound then orders will be placed for discharge on Tuesday.

That is just "three more night-nights" away.

I am super excited about the possibility of going home. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I'm afraid I've already gone home mentally. I lie in bed every day and ponder all that needs to be done, and get excited about all that I plan to get done with the help of my mom and sister. They are both coming to stay next week so it will be a perfect transition back into my house and a nice segue into preparation for baby. I plan on lying on the couch or on the extra bed in the baby's room and practicing my delegation skills.

Here's the catch: My cervix hasn't changed enough in the last 6 1/2 weeks to call it "change". I have been fluctuating from 6 mm to 11 mm to 9 mm and back to 6.6 mm - this is all considered to be about the same since we are measuring in millimeters. However, if I so much as go 1 millimeter in the other direction (5 mm or less) then I don't get to leave.

Once again, the task is to not obsess on the "what if" of staying or leaving but to just take it one day at a time, trusting that "all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well"* -- and enjoy the view from my window.

* Quoting St. Julian of Norwich, by way of my quote-spouting husband, who ghost-wrote this last paragraph for me, as well as this footnote, whilst sampling his secret stash of Jameson's Irish Whiskey.


Anonymous said...

i pray you do get to go home, then i can delete your hospital number from my cell phone.....:)

Nancy said...

Good luck Ashley! Hope your cervix holds steady or improves and you get paroled!